Thursday, 30 September 2021

30/9/21 ***I need a fresh perspective

 Suppose, I listen to Els but I write the commentary here.  Will that help?

In other *wor[l]d (words) I just communicate with you.

* Right, Sarah.  The less dependency the better.

I want to minimize exposure.

Let me ask her...

#traxxfm Say, sweetheart. I'm not sure if I am an asset or a liability to you. I was discussing with Sarah about the possibility of listening to you but just simply chat with her. She likes the idea. I need *you[] perspective on this. Am I a boon or a bane?

#traxxfm You know how it goes, honey. I am not the most politically correct guy. You know what I'm saying?

#traxxfm What I wrote: Suppose, I listen to Els but I write the commentary here. Will that help? In other *wor[l]d (words) I just communicate with you. * Right, Sarah. The less dependency the better. I want to minimize exposure. Let me ask her...

#traxxfm As the story goes, I am very sensitive to the fluctuation of dopamine especially the amount of sugar that I take. When it hit me, I am basically immobilized. This week is particularly bad. I am trying my best not to dip in the suicidal thoughts.

#traxxfm So, knowing what you know, tell me what you think... You need to calibrate your input. Otherwise I am in the dark.

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I think it is safe to say that she is playing a mind game.

#traxxfm OK honey, let me be frank... This week I am in a mess. When this happens, I just want to recluse in my shell. I don't think you understand my illness. It is about the state of mental well being. Very difficult to explain.

#traxxfm Here is the truth... I had been shrinking my perimeters so that I can contain my thoughts to only a few who understand what I am going through. It not rosy and dandy all the time. It is cyclical. Like the waves of ocean sweeping the beach. You follow?

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It is never a straight yes or no with her.  She is playing a mind game.

I am too exhausted to play her game.

I know I will bounce back.

In the meantime I just chill...

#traxxfm I tell you what... Let me go with the flow. It will be pointless to go against the tide right now. It's an illness honey...

#traxxfm OK baby... I hear you. We stick together yeah?

#traxxfm I made the mistake of indulging in 3-in-1 Coffee for 3 days in a row while gorging on peanut butter and honey sandwiches with slabs of butter. Then I skip my exercise routine for half the week. Haah... Recipe for disaster...

#traxxfm I look forward to tomorrow's run. I think I am over the edge now. Nothing is like having a good run.

#traxxfm Hey, checkout this 64-year old grandma: youtube.com/watch?v=wTZ1Yw She was quite a bombshell in the mid eighties. I am so inspired by her zest.


#traxxfm The dark cloud is lifting. I tell ya, it's a peculiar illness. I feel better after a couple of fried tempe I sneaked out in the kitchen just now.

#traxxfm I told you before, I am afflicted by Ultra Ultra Rapid Cycling Type 2 Bipolar Disorder. What it means is my mood swings happen within a few hours instead of month *[i]s (as) a Type 1 Disorder. Can you handle it, sweetheart?

#traxxfm Honey, what a beautiful song. I love it!
liked your Tweet
@elsDines #traxxfm Honey, what a beautiful song. I love it!


#traxxfm Hey, I am back to my loving feeling again... Boy, you do work wonder sweetheart.

#traxxfm I always believe that love is the answer; no matter what the problem is. I am back on Cloud 9, baby... Hahaha


#traxxfm Now, I don't know how many out there are suffering from mental illness. I however attest that TraXX is my remedy all these years. You people are really angels sent from above.

#traxxfm You know darling, I am hooked on you. I don't think I can be without you. Every day I look forward to listen to you. You are my main squeeze, baby...

#traxxfm I have a confession. From the time I wake up, to the time I go to bed at night, I would say that half of my 70,000 thoughts is about you! You are my obsession, sweetie...

#traxxfm Here is the deal, as long as you accept me as who I am, I am game. Luv ya... Avoir!

mm

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